How to Get the Picky Eater to Eat: in the Woods or in the Pasture?

Mar 2, 2012 by Anna Migeon

Young children, like sheep, need some shepherding for their own good and their parents'. - photo by Anna Migeon

Getting kids motivated to eat is a lot like getting sheep to eat.

If sheep are allowed to run free in the woods, they are in danger. When they get hungry there, they will probably eat something harmful instead of the right things. Not much good grass in the woods.

The sheep might even fall in a hole or off a cliff, or be terrorized by a rushing stream. They could be eaten by a wolf, run over by a car, or shot by a hunter.

So the shepherd watches over the sheep and places them within limits. The shepherd selects the best pasture of green grass he can find, and builds a fence around it. He gently lures his sheep in and closes the gate.

If the sheep are safely fenced in a pasture of only good green grass, the sheep will naturally eat the grass. No one tries to force a sheep to eat because it would only become alarmed and struggle away. No one need interfere with their eating, because they’re hungry and green grass is all that’s available. It’s the best thing for the sheep and they do like it. They love eating it if they haven’t filled up or gotten sick on thistles and weeds in the woods. They only need to be allowed to eat, with no interference. It’s like water flowing down a hill. It just goes. The sheep are content and secure in the pasture.`

Likewise young children, if their access to food is not limited, will eat the wrong things, not be hungry for the right things, and be at risk of numerous threats to their well being.

Out in the woods, we find dangers that deteriorate the chances of children eating well:

Random snacking
Kids without an appetite at meals
Battles at the table
Food resistance and refusal
Fear of new foods and being forced to eat
Bad behavior is tolerated in hopes kids will eat
Parents have no way to make kids behave
Junk food and sugar cravings
Parents comprising on what they let kids eat so they will eat
Kids treasure dessert and see meals mainly as the means to that end
Parents pressure, bribe, bargain, beg and plead in attempt to motivate kids to eat
Sleep problems
Health problems (tooth decay, obesity, diabetes…)
The attitude that we HAVE to eat

So what are the fence posts we can build to create the structure our children need to be motivated to eat when and what they should?

Eating restricted to mealtimes and snack time only
Eating restricted to the table only
No random snacking
A wide variety of foods served
Parents choosing the best foods for their children
Only good choices at the table
Children decide freely how much they want to eat of everything
No pressure to eat anything ever
Kids are hungry for meals and eat willingly and happily: healthy hunger alone motivates them
Kids make sure they eat enough at meals because they know they won’t have anything till the next time at the table
Good table manners & behavior or kids aren’t allowed to stay at the table and eat
Good conversation at the table
The attitude that we GET to eat

So is your child in the woods or in the pasture? Many families seem to be clearly in one or the other. What if kids don’t want to go in that pasture, with limits and restraints? We want them to be free adventurers, not mindless followers—like sheep! Don’t we?

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Duty Made Lovely: How to Train a Child’s Appetite

Foundations of Appetite Training: 12 Ways Children Learn to Like or Dislike Healthy Eating